Many of our days lately we are soaring. Soaring past all the expectations of what this diagnosis could mean for you. I have not a single doubt that you will continue this way until many will say, what diagnosis? You are amazing to watch and you work so hard. That is the part I am afraid no one will see.
Some days my heart just aches because as your Mom I want to make it all easy for you. I want you to get to run into a group of kids and enjoy play, like so many take for granted. But instead you and I, we have teamed up. Some times I am your voice, you look to me like an interpreter to help you understand. Other times I am your interpreter to help the kids know what you want. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know step by step you will learn to navigate this beautiful world of friendship and I just know it will become something you will enjoy without my help.
But for right now, it is tough for you honey. There are moments when I can see that you want connection so badly and you just do not know how. When I give you the words, I see your eyes light up. Then there are other moments when you want to hide from it all and I give you a safe place. Today’s playdate was a mix of it all. You were so excited for your little friend to come and play. But I watched as you tethered back and forth between angst and laughter. As as you tethered my heart did too. I am all in. All in for you.
But please don’t worry, because I can see further than you. I can see something you may not even be able to feel yet. There were moments today that you connected with your little friend, there were moments that all of your efforts paid off and you did it all yourself! I couldn’t be more proud of you.
And it is not just me. Daddy came home and joined in and gave you loving moments of encouragement. Then when it got the hardest Jon came home from school and stepped in too. Jon walked in the door and sat right down to play and showed you the way. And you, you just looked at him with such thankful eyes. The smile returned and the rest of the time you were mostly full of giggles.
So years from now when you read this. Know one thing without question. You my little one are loved.
