I write to you today with a little boy curled on my lap. As I peck at the keys with my left hand it makes for slow work, but I do not mind. Even as his little body grows at warp speed he has graced me with the ability to slow down. I am a box checker. I like to make lists and with each stroke of the pen check something off the list. Since my little one has arrived my pen has been making less strokes and more doodles. But that ironically is what I love about him. Sometimes life is about coloring outside of your lines. That is when you learn more about yourself, I believe.
So a few days ago, I was having one of those weepy new mommy days. Going through life’s motions with a full on cry on the cusp of erupting, at any second, for no apparent reason. The only thing that would bring me refuge was when I would think about this wheat field down the street from my studio. I would imagine playing with Jackson and cuddling him and I would feel completely normal. Then my mind would go to something else and that weepy feeling would creep back in. I battled with my feelings for most of the day until it dawned on me that I should just go to the field. So I did. And I did one better than that. I packed up the tripod and brought along my old friend, the camera.
I arrived and the adrenaline started to rush. I took out the tripod and turned on my camera and WAIT…it would not work. I fumbled with all of the buttons and dials and it would not appease me. Nope. Nothing. At that moment the tears started to flow. I caught my breath. Said a little prayer. Searched the internet on my phone. Found a fix. Said another prayer and Voila. It worked. Twenty minutes later and we were back in the game. I shot a few test shots to see if my camera was recovered and caught a glimpse of the tripod.
Normally I would trash the shot, but not this time. It tells a story of perseverance to me. A story that sometimes you just have to slow down and take it one step at a time. A chance to use my skill set that my little Jackson is so sweetly sharing with me. (Who by the way has moved off of my lap now and is kicking along next to me, he grew quite wiggly and bored with my story. Now just an occasional squeeze on his toy makes him squeal with delight).
So the stage was set. The camera now fastened onto the tripod. I pushed the button to the timer…beep…beep 10 seconds it warned. So I ran with Jackson to our little spot in the field. Snap. Jumped up. Ran back. Pushed the button…beep, beep, run, run. SNAP. Jump. Jackson thought this new game was so much fun. I thought so too. After a few times though I was out of breath! After another push of the button, Jackson and I both were tired of our game and decided to call it finished! I quickly went through the pictures and saw this in my screen. My heart melted. The tears flowed again, only this time they were the happy kind.
For my part, the story ends there. But when we arrived home I shared with my husband what I was trying to do, and asked if he would be my trigger. He sweetly agreed. So we went back to the field and shot some more. With his shots and mine, I created a movie. A movie to sum up all of my emotion for my boys. You can view it if you would like on the Serena Nicole Studios Facebook Page.
So yesterday. my pen just doodled. But today I made strokes. This blog post. Check.
In time, all things in time.
Until Soon,
SN
