I have been on a journey of sorts. Half literal and half figuratively. Moving my business always forces me to rethink everything. Some moves it doesn’t take me long to find my path. Other moves, to include this one, I take it a little bit slower and bask in all that is me, artistically. I force myself beyond my comforts and really try to sort the fears. Being an artist for me is like wearing my soul for all to see. For I do not view this as my work, I view it as my purpose.
But that can be kind of a curse. When word gets out and my calendar fills quickly, I often find that I get lost in the expectation of me. Sorting through clients quickly and trying to give them all what they desire and deserve. Focusing less on the art and more on their belief of me. You do this long enough and you can get lost.
My work is growing and branching out from its humble beginnings. I have been working hard learning the art of placing people and perfecting what I see. For I feel that my client deserves to have those precious moments when everyone is looking on and engaged. To remember those sweet faces and smiles that are right now. To move a footstep away from a completely candid experience. As I feel, in this day and age, when there are so many cameras to choose from, that I want my clients to feel secure in my presence.
But it doesn’t stop there for me. For it will always be the moments in betweent, the ones that can not be crafted or planned that steal my soul. That moment when others may put their camera away. This shot came on my screen today and I was surprised by my own voice saying out loud, this is me. It touches a place deep inside. It instantly reminds me who I am and what I see. And then it makes me start to question all over again.
Is that footstep too big? How do I bridge the gap between purposeful poses and fluid moments. For fluid moments happen when you have a relationship with your client, when they can forget you are there. I want both and all.
I want most the art of thier quiet.
As I type I hear that little voice, for I know these type of moments come when my schedule is adequately spaced. When I am not rushed. When I have the space to be me.
Some may say I am putting too much thought into this. But I choose not to hear you. I have heard that my whole life and yet, for me, it is all those thoughts that create something magical and with passion.
For now, I ponder. I vent. I explore.
Thanks for letting me be me,
SN
