There is something lately that draws me in. Like a pull on the heart but only stronger. The lure of capturing a colorful world for the first time feels right. It has just been a tingle inside but I know it is supposed to grow into more. I am open even though I still find refuge in the black and white.
It seems that there have been so many pulls lately. It is as if every direction in my life needs me. Only it is happening all at once and at such a swift pace it leaves me breathless and often confused. Knowing which direction feels the best is at best a blurry mess.
Then there was this.
The temperature outside was climbing and very much mirrored what was going on inside. My littlest one had a high fever, one that left us sleepless. He wouldn’t allow us to help him. He refused his medicine and everything was a fight. It became a very scary one as his body reacted to the heat. He persisted and his will, for the first time was admirable, if it wasn’t for the danger that lurked. On the outside looking in, we knew what was best for him. My husband, myself, the doctors and nurses, we all tried. It was a shock when the doctor handed him back over and said he couldn’t help. The question remained how can I help my little one when he keeps fighting the one thing that will help him most.
I believe this extends far beyond the two year old will.
When I opened the door the heat hit me like a wall. I pushed through as the heat pushed back. My body was heavy with tired as I had only a few hours sleep. But there was a deadline. I was to capture the colors of summer, so, I closed my eyes and imagined what that would be. I saw hazy summery yellow and green. With camera in hand I set out to find it. There was this moment of peace. Just me, the buzzing of the bees and my camera. It felt so good to have my camera focused on something different and new. For this moment, change felt refreshing even amidst the heat. Hearing the familiar shutter click brought refuge. But I couldn’t find the yellow haze. Until I looked over in the distance. There were wild yellow flowers growing through the fence. My heart pattered.
I plopped down onto the rocky road. A few clicks in and I stopped. These flowers were wild and free. They were growing through the fence, seeking out the sunshine on top of a rocky road. They were leaving the green, lush forest in search of more. They were open to change and they were beautiful.
I think sometimes it is hard to leave what feels so comforting. Even to the extremes of refusing the one thing that can help you most. But we must learn to stay open, to fearlessly follow. For what if the yellow flowers had stayed within the fence, the darkness of the forest would have kept them from blooming.
This post is part of a special blog circle of military spouse photographers. Each month we have a theme and we each interpret what it means to us and share. The circle has grown this month and I know you will love what you find. Here is the next blog post from Heather. Enjoy.
