Facebook just erased my entire post. I am hot with frustration. Literally. I have learned that I write so deep from the heart that I cant get the same words back again. They are fleeting. Sometimes when I write, just an hour later I read it and I dont remember even writing it. It is as if I am reading someone elses words. Except they feel so true to me when I read. So, I try again.
We were celebrating Jackson’s second birthday with a little party. We waited to share it with our friends the Jackson’s and even more so, so Daddy could be here too. It was great. Lorna decorated the house with streamers, Isabel blew up balloons and wrapped presents, and Matt and Freddy built Jackson’s sand box. To have such love on his birthday was a great feeling. Once the party started Freddy leaned over to me and said, “you can enjoy being a mom, I can do the photo thing if you want”. There was a moment of hesitation and then I realized it was Freddy and I quickly agreed. Two things happened next.
The first was in the moment that followed the ten second interview that allowed me to agree was an amazing sense of relief. I had no idea how much pressure I felt when capturing our family. To be able to step aside from that and truly enjoy being a mom, was a gift. By the end of the party though, I couldn’t help it, I was craving my camera again, so I shot this shot.
The second was in that ten second interview. When I rememered what a special place Freddy has in where I started. For me the vision came first. What I see and feel in a photograph was with me when I was a little girl. I spent years creating that with a point and shoot camera and even with film in college. I actually think I could do an entire shoot with a point and shoot and the emotion and raw feeling wouild be right there. The average person wouldnt be looking for the technical side and wouldnt notice. But I felt almost eight years ago that if I was to take this seriously that I needed to learn the best and use the best. So I called Freddy. He helped me fill my first cart full of the right gear. Then when it all arrived, again over the phone, he helped me figure it all out. From those calls came great growth and expansion. Even more came one of my life’s callings, Serena Nicole Studios. When I took my vision and all I had learned technically and created portraits for others. It has been a beautiful thing, and I am so thankful for Freddy who helped me take the leap technically.
Such a great day spent with great friends and I so enjoyed getting to just be a Mom. What a gift both in the moment and in my thoughts.
My thoughts are out, I did it for the most part. Not quite as connected. What a strange, strange thing. I am in awe of whatever this is. I think I better start writing in a safer place though. Smile.
