He threw the bike down, next came the helmet. I stood there in disbelief. For I had never imagined that to be ‘in’ my Jonathen. Don’t get me wrong, he gets frustrated just like anyone else, but I have never seen him so animated about it.
I had pushed him not to quit. Pushed him on purpose. Although, in that instant with the bike at my feet and my little one storming off, I wondered if I had pushed too hard?
Ultimately the intention was that one day, later, even much later in his life, when he has a decision to make on whether to quit or push harder, I want him to know how to push. I want him to hear my voice saying, I know you can do this Jon, believe in yourself as much as I do.
But this time, it wasn’t enough.
It makes me teary eyed to know this thing, this supoosed ‘right of passage’ is something I can not teach him. Something that for whatever reason, he is not supposed to know yet.
I got him to laugh eventually. Something I love being able to do for my boys; bring a smile to their face when they feel low. I can’t share my tricks. For this time, it came in the form of many tasteless jokes involving body parts.
But inside, I still want to make this all better. Stupid bike.
