Looking back on that day when it was time to say our last goodbye and I breathed in relief. Overwhelming relief that there was no more pain, no more suffering. That the man that I barely recognized could have peace.
This breath carried me for weeks as I imagined you dancing your way through to the other side.
Now as I move through my ordinary days there are these moments when the tears overwhelm and the pain in my chest makes me stop everything. I stand there and weep as I miss the aliveness of you with all that I am.
Not the man that I said good-bye to but the one who laughed through my days. The one who was so full of life he couldn’t contain it. The one that brought so much joy to those around him. The one I could cook for, the one that would wear the apron with me, the one who reminded me that life isn’t that serious, the one that showed me how to go within to find all the answers.
Now I feel like I am on the ride of a lifetime, one that I wish I could get off of and hug the aliveness of you one more time.
Love and miss you so Dad.