We have been so careful. Since the first buzz of this crazy time hit the headlines, we hunkered down and kept our heads down. I couldn’t stand the idea of sharing this awful illness with my dad who is battling cancer without an immune system. So we went above and beyond to keep our little world safe.
I didn’t see my first born and his family for weeks. We washed all of our groceries and our garage looked like a quarantine station, packages and mail scattered by when they arrived and how long they needed to be kept away from little fingers.
We weren’t afraid. None of this came from fear. It came from a more humble place of wanting to do the best for our community and to do our part. Something instilled in us after twenty years of service in the military.
Never an ounce of judgement for anyone else trying to navigate this crazy and new time. We just made our choices for our family and pressed on.
Months into this gig and we were still meeting teachers online and enjoying the world from behind our masked faces as we went out shopping from time to time.
Careful.
That is the way I feel all of my friends would respectively say we were.
There became a time though that Jon needed his friends and we knew it was worth the risk. He returned to work after a few month hiatus and slowly added his social circle back into his daily life. We knew it was right as we saw him light back up into his old self.
Still careful.
Jon was to wear a mask when out, change clothes in the garage, shower as soon as he got home. We felt the cost of a little extra care was worth the weight of getting his life back a little. He never complained once.
Six months into the pandemic and I had cancelled countless work trips, pushed clients further and further down the calendar and ended up with an accumulation of time. So much time.
We decided this would be a good opportunity to do a little home renovation. My uncle who is a one man jack-of-all-trades agreed to help us.
We completely remodeled the downstairs guest bath and laundry room. We carefully planned to renovate Jon’s bathroom upstairs to make sure to have the least amount of downtime possible.
On Wednesday we completely demolished his bathroom. Stripped down to the studs. A dream come true as it was in desperate need of some love.
On Thursday Jon woke up with a fever. With due diligence I decided to have Jon tested to instantly put all of our minds at ease.
On Thursday afternoon we got the results. Positive. Positive for Covid.
We couldn’t believe it.
On Thursday night Jon’s fever disappeared. Gone. He was fine. Completely fine.
We decided to keep him in isolation, which was a funny new twist as we had just demolished his bathroom. We were now down to one, one bathroom to share with Covid.
We were so sure that his second test would come back negative that we didn’t even worry. We came up with a safe system and I started my masked room service with a smile.
On Friday Jon was fine.
On Saturday Jon was fine.
On Sunday Jon was fine and we got the results of his second test and it was positive, again.
My heart sunk.
Everything had to stop. Renovations had stopped on Thursday with the hope they could start back, now they had to wait weeks. More clients had to be moved down the calendar.
Grateful? Yes, of course. We all read about the terror of what this sickness has brought to so many families. Impossible not to be full of gratitude. But even gratitude can feel lonely sometimes.
I struggled for days to find a good place to land inside of my thoughts. We were so careful. Scrolling through social media the last few months and my feed was full of friends on vacations, friends enjoying time with new groups of people all of the time, friends out at sporting events with their children, friends saying good-bye to their kids on the first day of school. Images that felt so different than the life I was living. Yet here I was the one in quarantine. It didn’t add up.
My only explanation, other than the fact that this is a virus and it doesn’t care how careful you are or have been, is that sometimes what you hold too close only brings that reality closer.
From the inside of quarantine I am left alone with my thoughts. I cling to any glimmer that this can have a bigger meaning. That there is some little lesson in the irony.
For being so careful and ending up with the same fate just feels bad no matter how you try to translate it. I will say that when we get the green light to leave our home, we will. We will be careful but we will get out and live bigger and better than before.
Wait. I think that is it. I think I may have accidentally stumbled on the bigger meaning.
In life only one thing is guaranteed, we all are here for a destined amount of time. We can either choose to live so carefully that we miss out on opportunities that we see from the sidelines or we can safely take risks and try new things that will help us make the most of our precious time here.
From the inside looking out that is what I wished I had done differently during this pandemic.
Until soon,
Serena Nicole
You know by now that I am passionate about storytelling with my camera. I would love, love to show you how to do the same. These were taken with my iPhone and tell an important piece of our story. What moments are you missing of your story? Come join me in class and let me show you how to turn your phone into your most powerful storyteller. CLICK HERE FOR CLASS INFORMATION
