The trunk closed and my husband who woke way before he usually would leaned over to kiss me. My heart was churning with a slurry of emotions. I felt paralyzed and all I truly wanted to do was run back inside, bury myself under the covers and wake up to my every day.
Yet, I couldn’t. I had made promises to my clients in Texas that I would come and capture their love and I was excited, so excited to see them. So why, why was it so hard to leave?
I pulled out of the garage and allowed myself to feel it all. The voice of my littlest one kept playing over and over from the night before when he so humbly asked in his own sadness, do you have to go?
The answer to that question made it even harder to leave.
For years we lived at the mercy of our big boss, The Air Force. My husband would leave in a blink. One time before we could even sit down to eat the breakfast that we had made, he had left. When the world called, he was there. We made peace, it was never easy but the peace within sometimes came from knowing he was needed and someone else was running the show.
But this is my show. This is my calling and I could say no. I could stay home, I could stay snuggled and tangled in my every day.
As I drove down our street under the glow of the street lamps, I ran through all of the excuses I could give to my clients, knowing they would understand. I felt raw, vulnerable and as if I was shown everything that was important to me all at once.
It was overwhelming yet I kept driving and allowing myself to feel it all.
Then something almost magical happened. I was just about a mile into my trip when I started to feel a shift. Peace washed over me. The very peace I felt when I made the choice to travel, to connect, to maintain the relationships I am so lucky to have with my clients. I felt my husbands unwavering support of my little dream and my passion, I felt empowered, I felt better.
Feeling witness to such a shift left me trying to grasp what was truly happening within. Then it hit me. The first mile of doing anything that pulls us from our comfort is always uncomfortable.
It is what we do during that first mile that is everything. Sometimes we need to gravel in it, feel it all, live it even though it is pushing us to uncomfortable places and see it for what it is trying to show us. But most importantly we must keep driving.
Just keep going. Feel what is important to you and drive into who you need to be.